Girl smoking

Wilhelm Sasnal – Girl Smoking (Anka), 2001

Where in My Hell is the Dénouement?

Please don’t ask–
I don’t know
how much more
I can bear
been too far
far too long
and I’m petrified
in this city haze
weak
and grey
So let the rain come down
on tires
on asphalt
on rain
and strike my mood
swift
pointblank
as tree limbs flail
in tears
of rain
their sorrow
is mine
and mine
all theirs
as I sit
and stare
blank
listening
to the sound
of tires
on asphalt
on rain
drowning
disappointment
and failure
with no end
but continuum
and such beauty
such music
such reprise
yet no reprieve
So I’m petrified
in this city haze
grey
and weak
and I’m afraid
that I need you
this music
playing on
while you linger
measure by measure
a crescendo
now fading
and I need you
more than I admit
because I know
how much more
I can bear
not much more
at all.

– Sarah Badr

II.

This Is Why

All About Control:
control me,
control you
and no room
to go wrong
Let Go.
death upon death,
and I realise
exactly how much
I hate that feeling
of unknowing,
blindsided
by the laidback
backtrack
following of nothing
in this twentysomething
trailmix of quicktojudge
and eagertoplease
So Stop.
Pull Out.
the neurosis settles in,
and I become the bitch
you backbite
in hushed whispers
offscreen–