Baba Emam

April 2004

In loving memory of Emam Shalaby

الوقت من ذهب و لكل حياة أجل

أحبك

21.10.35 – 26.12.06

Boxing Day

I called you Father,
and you gave me your hands
your smile
your soul
and now you are gone.

I don’t live to regret
and yet
the thing that I do
is that I did not see you
and was afraid of exactly this

But now you are gone
and I am bereft–
Nothing is parallel
…………..or perpendicular
…………..anymore.

I want you to have seen me
and known me, and I you
Not just the sickly girl
returned, disconnected
and utterly ungrateful

Your relentless passion and wisdom
shaped the small world,
the infinite world
of the person
that I have come to be

But now you are gone
and I am guilty–
Nothing is parallel
…………..or perpendicular
…………..anymore.

The final memory of you
is as it were yesterday
standing in the light
of the colours you loved
and you were proud of me…

I am sorry
God, I am sorry–
……….I loved him
……….I loved you
……….I love you!
……….I’m so sorry!
……….look at what I have not done
……….and have not said!
And now you are gone
and I am afraid
with waves of tears
…………….……..…visions
…………….……..…scents
…………….……..…sounds
……..of paper mobiles
……..your glasses
……..chewing gum
……..cassettes
……..blueprints
……..leaky office
……. warm bed
……. hand games
……. prayer beads
……. cologne
……. blue car
……. exercises
……. burnt bread
……. hot tea
……. patterned rugs
……. mosaics
……. Matisse
……. Almania
……. Maraqia
……. Shatara–
………….…...Your Face
………….…...Your Glance
………….…...Your Voice
.………….…..Your Music
………….…...Your Touch
………….…...Your Warmth
………….…...Your Spirit
………….…...Your Soul…